


Heart Felt (2011)

by JennyB



Series: Advent 2011 [14]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Advent Challenge 2011, Awkwardness, Developing Relationship, M/M, Podfic Available, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:36:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a long time since Sanzo's felt the need to give someone a gift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Felt (2011)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ditch_Gospel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ditch_Gospel/gifts).



> Written for Advent Challenge 2011. Prompt: Shuuei/Rikudo and presents.
> 
> Podfic (by the lovely Kansouame ♥♥) here: [Take a Listen!](http://www.mediafire.com/?96qzt4zwmwu7plk)

Sanzo felt stupid as he made his way through the temple courtyard towards his cell. He had a small box stashed securely within the pocket of the borrowed jacket, and he hoped that he'd reach his rooms without running into anyone. He wasn't really in the mood for conversation, and he knew he'd seriously shoot anyone who started asking questions about where he'd been and why he wasn't wearing his robes. He thought about the beaded bracelet that was in the box, and he pressed his fingers against the carton, as if to make sure it was still there. Given the nature of what he'd purchased, he'd felt it better to do his shopping incognito. Not that he gave a shit about what anyone might have thought, but he didn't want nosy assholes prying into his business.

Sanzo was surprised to find that his rooms were dark, but at the same time, he was relieved. It meant that Goku wasn't there, meaning he'd have a couple of minutes to wrap the gift he'd bought for him. After double checking that he really was alone, he slid the box from his jacket and pulled a folded up square of wrapping paper from the back pocket of his jeans. It took him a few minutes to remember the lessons he'd learned, but he managed to use some of his origami skills to securely wrap the box without the use of ribbon or tape. For an accent, he slipped a piece of heather into one of the folds on the top, and then set the present on his dresser.

Sanzo smoked a cigarette and drank a beer while he waited for Goku to come home. He wondered when his feelings for the monkey had changed from obligation to affection. He supposed it had happened gradually during their journey west. One day, Goku was there because Sanzo had told himself he'd look after him when he'd rescued him. The next, Goku's blood had been on his hands, and he'd felt so lost as he'd considered a possible future without him. He hadn't been able to voice his feelings to Goku - to _any_ of them - but he hoped his actions spoke for him. He was still churlish, and still often berated Goku with his fan, but he'd lost some of the standoffish aura that surrounded him. He even, on occasion, entertained the idea of social interaction. The giving of a gift seemed a logical next step.

Sanzo remembered the night he'd seen Koumyou leaving to go visit Ukoku. Koumyou had carried a bottle of sake in his hands, and when he'd asked why, his master had smiled gently and told him that he was bringing Ukoku a gift because he was a greedy man. Sanzo hadn't understood at the time, not believing for a moment that Koumyou possessed such a trait. But Koumyou explained to him that yes, the recipient does feel good to get a gift, but it's the bearer who derives the greater benefit. In giving, one is let into the heart of the receiver and kept there, held in remembrance and often thought of. That, he explained, was how one gained true wealth. He had then gone on to say that he hoped to become the wealthiest poor man in all of Shangri-la.

Sanzo lit another cigarette and found himself debating the wisdom of giving Goku a gift. The last person he'd ever given a gift to had been Shuuei. It hadn't been much, just an old set of prayer beads, but they had been given with his heart to his first real friend. He could still remember the way Shuuei had smiled at him when he'd received them. And Sanzo knew that even though his friend and mentor had eventually lost himself to the dark talisman when he'd become Rikudo, enough of the original soul had remained. He lightly touched his abdomen where he still bore the scar from Rikudo's attack. Had Shuuei been lost completely, he would surely have been dead by now.

Sanzo realized the parallels, of a sort, that existed between Shuuei and Goku. The monkey also harboured a darkness within him. The Seiten Taisei was a creature he believed could, if he wanted to, easily kill him. But the Seiten Taisei retained enough of Goku's spirit within him that Sanzo also believed he would never go that far. He might harm him, but would not deliver the lethal shot. Sanzo smiled a little. Goku, like Shuuei, would always look out for him, too. A true friend if ever there was one.

Sanzo felt anxious when he heard the door to his cell open and he heard Goku call out for him. He wondered if Goku would even know if he didn't give him the bracelet. The package had no tags, and the bracelet itself had no identifying characteristics. It wasn't too late to simply maintain the status quo. But Sanzo realized he didn't want the status quo. Not anymore. He realized he _wanted_ to do this, and as Koumyou's words echoed once more in his mind, he realized he wanted to be a little bit greedy, too.

"Where have you been?" Sanzo asked as he extinguished his cigarette. "I half expected to find you sprawled out on the couch, eating my food, and generally being a nuisance."

Goku gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Sanzo. I was out walking around, and I guess I just lost track of time. I'm sorry." He laughed and ran a hand through his bangs. "That's probably why I'm so hungry now, because it's gotten so late!"

"Figures," Sanzo said with an amused snort. "Well, go make yourself presentable. It's been a while since we've gone out to dinner. And maybe, if you move your ass, I'll let you invite Hakkai and Gojyo, too."

"Really?" Goku asked, his eyes wide and a brilliant grin plastered on his face at the thought of seeing his two friends. "Okay! I'll be right back!"

"Wait," Sanzo said. "Before you go, I have something for you."

"It's not a crack with the fan, is it?"

"Tch. Don't be stupid."

Goku looked at him strangely. "Then what is it?"

Sanzo felt suddenly uncomfortable, and he tried to reign in his anxiety. Now that he'd mentioned it, it was too late to go back without looking like a complete asshole. He supposed he could always make a joke, but that was more Gojyo's speed. He looked towards the dresser, and he saw Goku follow his gaze.

"For me?" Goku asked, his cheeks pinking in delight when he saw the wrapped package. "You've never gotten me anything before, Sanzo! I mean, you've bought me food and clothes and stuff, but never anything like this. What's it for?"

"I just wanted to. Now shut up and open it."

Sanzo felt incredibly awkward as he sat there. He felt stupid just watching Goku reverently examine the wrapping, and he didn't know what he should be doing, or if he should say anything. So, while Goku opened his present, he busied himself by lighting another cigarette. He was startled when Goku flung his arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug. Sanzo could see the bracelet with the blue and brown beads already adorning Goku's wrist. He felt his cheeks colour at the unexpected embrace, but he made no move to push the other away.

"It's awesome, Sanzo! Thanks! Look, the blue is like the sky, and the brown is like the earth! I'm never taking this off!"

Sanzo saw the dazzling smile. It was the same as the one he'd received when he'd gifted Shuuei, and he felt a warmth spread through his whole being as a result of Goku's sheer joy. He smiled a little; he finally understood what Koumyou had actually been talking about all those years ago.

Sanzo still felt stupid, just sitting there with Goku hugging him. But at the same time, he felt good. Beyond good.

And he found he regretted nothing.


End file.
